Wallflower

Skinny puppy

In Tijuana today I saw the skinniest, hungriest, mangiest puppy ever. But he wagged his tail at me and was so cute beneath the patchy skin and runny eyes. Oh, he broke my heart. I found some hot dogs for him to eat and he devoured them. I wanted to take him home so badly. I see that I will have to start carrying dog biscuits with me when I go there. Poor little guy. Would it be kinder just to kill him? He could grow up to be a lovely dog...he was a golden lab or something. Probably 6 months old. Little skinny, hairless tail that just wagged and wagged.

I'm a Trail Guide!

Today was graduation at Mission Trails. We gathered under the Western Sycamore trees, by the bronze statues of coyote, mountain lion and dusky footed wood rat, and had a simple graduation ceremony. I looked up from chatting with one of my fellow students to see that my friends Donna and Cali had come to graduation. I was so touched! We ate a little cake, I bought an official MTRP Trail Guide T-shirt and then we went out to lunch. It was a nice day.
And I'm just so happy to be a trail guide at one of my favorite spots in San Diego. I'm going to go back tomorrow for a nice, long walk.

grrrumpy

Just woke up, too late to go to Yoga at 3:15. I was all excited to go. Now I'm not sure what to do with myself and I'm wondering, why do Angelina Jolie's movie's always get marketed around her enormous lips? Can't they just once focus on some other body part? I'm so sick of her lips.

Happy Birthday Maureen!

Do you know my cousin Maureen? If you are ever in Durango, Co you should take a snowboarding class from her. She has a great laugh and she loves jam. It seems like she can do anything she puts her mind to. She's studying to be a Physician's Assistant. Happy Birthday Mo! I wish I could buy you a beer or take a lovely hike with you today...

What is the porpoise?

It's been all about loss. Loss of vision, loss of the future i thought I held in my hand. I lost my footing and fell down the hill. Tumbling tumbling, toes over teakettle, or however the expression goes.

And now here i am. It's March. I'm working on my third novel in a line of proudly unpublished novels. I am in my robe. I have to go to work in an hour, to make lattes, to mop a floor, to make change and be polite.

I have a pile of unwashed dishes. My sink keeps clogging. It's sunny here where I live. It's always sunny here where I live. I am afraid of my own eyes and what they might do.

Everything has changed.

He was once so little

I can't believe my baby brother's getting married!

Going to Texas, baby!

Thilly Goothe!

You know what happiness is? It's sitting in a wide hammock with my niece Olivia, looking for hawks in the sky. It's when she leans her head in to cuddle up with me and we rock together.
It's been a good couple of days. I zipped up to Sacramento to interview for the program in Mexico. It went pretty well, I thought. I was nervous about the Spanish part but I think I did OK. I called my beautiful cousin Anne-Marie and we had lunch. I got to see her office after getting amazingly lost in the complex of hospital corridors (At one point I think I ended up in the cafeteria kitchen.) She greeted me at the elevator door in her white PA's coat and I had one of those moments when you realize that you're a grown up. Well, she is anyway.
Then I drove back to the Bay Area and hung out with my sister and her kids. (Olivia called me a silly goose on more than one occassion. I love that!) On the airplane coming home I ran into my Big Boss at Peet's and we chatted happily for the whole flight.
This morning I got up early and went out to Mission Trails, My Happy Place.
Tomorrow: sleeping in. And writing. Ahh...

In my Trail Guide class tonight, we were listening to a lecture when I heard a huge roar coming from the Miramar base area. "What are they doing out there this late at night?" I thought. I figured it was some kind of weird military testing going on. But maybe what I heard was this crash. Sad.

Plants plants plants

When I turned 30, one of my goals for myself was to become a "badass outdoorswoman." A backcountry gal. Well, I sort of lagged on that one as I have almost always lived in cities. But I realized the other day that I am finally making this wish come true, through my class at Mission Trails Regional Park. (I'm becoming a Trail Guide.) I went on a guided hike on Sunday with a bunch of other plant and nature nerds and I felt totally at home. We watched a coyote trotting through the scrub and were all thrilled. We examined funnel spider webs, monkeyflowers. We stopped to crush sage between our fingers, to release its scent.
And it all made me so very very happy.

eek a mouse!

ever since I got my computer back (thanks cousin Mike!) my mouse has been very difficult. I've had to swipe and swipe, tried different surfaces, everything I could think of to get it to make the arrow move across the screen the way I wanted it to.
Well.
Tonight i decided to investigate a bit more. I took the mouse apart a bit, cleaned out the little bits of schtuff stuck around the roller ball, put it back together--nothin. Still sucky. Tried again, only this time I noticed a glob of lint on a little verticle bar on the right hand side of the mouse's innards. Hmmm, thought I. Probably not the problem, but I worked it out of there and guess what?
Obedient mouse!
Yay. I love when I fix stuff. It's manly.

Swing Out, Sister!

I'm sending off the Mexico ap. today. Wish me luck!
Will it come true?
Or am I supposed to spend another year trying to finish a book. Another year for writing.
We'll see, I guess.
All I know is, i need a change. I'm ready to fly away...

despite hurdles, progress is made

Cali talked me into finishing the ap when I had given up. She's going to write a reference for me, even. Such a good friend. Then the gal Friday at the office in Sacramento, Raquel, has been so nice and encouraging. I vow to buy her chocolates if I get in to this thing. So Mexico....maybe ...this year.

In other news I went to see my opthamologist today. retinas look good. "I'm pleased," he practically beamed at me.

"Me too." said I.

And I am. I am pleased. I was thinking, in the waiting room, that the hardest part of the last few months has been acceptance. Accepting when something is over. Accepting what you can't change. Accepting what is lost. But if you can do it-- really accept what IS and not pine for what was--damn. It feels a whole lot better.

more hoop jumping

ugh. snotty nosed and nauseated from the antibiotics. I've got a touch of the bronchitis and yet i am slogging through another step of the application to Mexico. I barely qualify for this program. I need three letters of reference. like, yesterday that I don't have. Yet I keep going, thinking, I might not look like the best candidate on paper, but I know I can do this program. i know it.
ugh.
I feel yukky.