Wallflower

Hallow's Eve Eve!

Linda Cardellini is on E.R. And the girl from "Bend it like Beckham" Now I have to watch E.R. again. I'm seriously thinking of getting rid of my T.V. It's basically a surrogate boyfriend right now--I tell it all my best jokes and it talks me to sleep at night. (Damn the sleep function!)

I just finished the second installment of Philip Pullman's YA series "His Dark Materials" (Too tired to make a link, It's on Amazon but go to Powell's and support the little guy!) This one was called The Subtle Knife. It rocked. He is a very creative writer (it's kinds science fiction-ish) and wildly imaginative. We should get married.

I started my own YA novel. So far it's one scrap of paper in my purse but I have big hopes for it.

angry sunrise

Jim chowing

Pall

This morning I woke to a weirdly glowing orange sun and unusually gray sky. My first thought was Armageddon. It wasn't until I went outside that I could smell the smoke and I saw the little drifts of ash all along the sidewalk.
San Diego is on fire.
My beloved Mission Trails Regional Park is burning. i want to cry. Cali and I are going to go there after the fire is over to tend to out tarantula brothers. (We have seen a tarantula or two on almost EVERY walk we've ever taken at MTRP. They love us, with all their furry, spindly might.)
I walked to Hillcrest, ash floating around me. The streets were empty. My feet are black with soot and my mouth tastes smoky.

hmmm

is this how? " align="right" alt="livvy" border="0">

let me try that again

you should see a picture of Olivia with scissors. And a look of glee.

steve taught me how to do this

crossing the line

Hurling myself across the border, blister on my heel. A man stood at the entrance to the INS building, moaning, bent over and looking at his toes. Border Patrol agents surrounded him.

It was hot hot hot today in Tecolote. It feels hotter there--I think because of the dust and general treelessness. We made masks. It was fun because I pretty much gave the kids free reign to put anything they wanted on their masks--tissue paper, some weird unsticky duct tape, little plastic hearts.

So maybe on Halloween night in Teco a bunch of kids will be running around ragtag with masks we made today.

I'm open

My yoga teacher has a funny laugh. She does lots of postures in which we really open our chests and it makes me think about ways in which I 've been closed all my life. Fearful. My future right now seems scary if I think about it too much. But if I breathe deeply and think, "What would Bjork do?" I feel giddy with the instability, the potential for ruin, the stutter in my path, the necessary and beautiful stumble.

I float like a butterfly and sting like a bee

At work I was saying, "I am really bad at math. Math phobic."
My co-worker Anthony said "Hmmm. Neural linguistic programming."
"Huh?" I said.
"You're programming your brain to be bad at math. You have to be like Muhammad Ali."
"I'm too pretty to be a fighter?"
"Yeah, like that."

Azzie is 11!

Last night I went to the Dhanens for Azzie's birthday party. All the kids were there, happily running through the house and yard, screaming and inventing games. I love kids. I was watching family dynamics. It will be strange to have my parents get older and ill. It's heart wrenching. There were so many stories in the room, I stood there thinking. Chronic unemployment. Sad breakup. Parents getting older. And then all the joy of being together, laughing at Steve pulling Nancy's shirt off, Annie's pleasure in her new books and pens and paper. The big kids explaining upcoming scenes from Mr. Bean to me.
And me, like an owl, slowly turning my head to observe it all.

Halloween

Hallowe'en is my favorite holiday. Grown-ups losing their sense of decorum and dressing up in weird costumes? I'm there. A holiday where kids rule the streets and teenagers are tolerated sorta kinda in their pranksterness after 10pm? I love it.

So this year I bought some butterfly wings from Old Navy a few weeks ago. Getting my costume together early. Now I'm thinking I want to be Holly Golightly--cigarette holder, upswept streaked hair, sunglasses, black dress, tiara. Is that boring? Last year I was Dorothy ( I made my own ruby slippers and a trail of red sequins floated in my wake all day) the year before I was Laura ingalls Wilder (inspired by a trip to De Smet, South Dakota) the year before that I was Frida Kahlo. So I seem to have a theme of female icons.

The butterfly theme appeals as well though, because of all the changes I've been through in recent months. I do feel a bit like I entered a weird cocoon of my own making, broke myself down entirely and am reforming myself into something new. Not to be too damn dramatic about it.

messing

Hi Boy Wonder!

mariposa, mariposa

Spent the day in TJ making mariposas out of magazine pages and glittery pipe cleaner. Those kids love anything that glitters. Next week I told them that we will make masks for El Halloween. They got very excited.

The German volunteers made pancakes that were very yummy. Spread on them was donated jam de pina or a weird malt-syrup that tasted like stale paper. Weird. It was some health food organic thing. Usually a winner in my book but not today. the kids ate it fairly complacently.

I feel very torn about possibly leaving next year. i think I'd love Queretaro but I would miss teco a lot. What should I do, stars?

seriously, steve rules

I'm very excited about my new blog. Movable Type! I never thought I'd be on Movable Type. Steve, you are the guy. The GUY.

It's Wednesday and I woke up at 4:15 to open this morning. brain stutter. Here's a note to myself: use the title "Snow's erotic appeal" pretty soon or it will die forever. Thanks.

Must find a copy of Gianlucca singing "Mi Historia entre mis dedos" Audrey knows why. Its like picking at a scab, Audrey. The pain is so exquisite.